Image source: photo by the artist
Reading Reflection written September 2024
After I gave birth to the miniature lights-of-my-life, my son and daughter, such a surreal phenomenon transpired where their pain actually became physically painful for me. At times when they were so new to this earth they could barely take steps, If they’d fall and I’d hear that notorious thud sounding like a bowling ball fell onto floorboards, followed by an ‘I’m hurt, you failed to protect me’ infant-cry; it would trigger a lightning bolt through me.
Becoming a parent gave me superhero-esque senses; from an increase in awareness of sounds and smells to instinctively always having my peripheral blinkers on, scanning for potential threats and dangers. My brain became programmed to focus its energy ensuring that my babies not only survived but thrived. This is where Dr. Becky’s book comes in handy, because my brain was/is already dealing with the plethora of physiological and psychological changes that motherhood brings, at times it becomes foggy when faced with the ‘best’ way to address behavioral elements of babies/toddlers (and I’m sure with raising young children and adolescents Dr. Becky’s methods will come to the rescue for then-mum-foggy-brain moments as well).
Dr. Becky delivers what she promises in this book, after reading this (and during), I’d try out some of her suggestions and they felt good, they flowed off my tongue easily and didn’t feel like I was reading from a parenting manual or script. I was able to wave goodbye to mum-guilt and embraced Dr. Becky’s voice and intern I believe I am (and my little ones are) better for it.
Dr. Becky instills invaluable parenting principles: connection, acknowledgement and presence. Her ideas for laying boundaries are seamless and there aren’t enough words in the English dictionary to compliment her on her delivery on this. Every parent has come under the beratement of unwanted opinions/advice. Dr. Becky's voice is welcomed because her principals are doable and her execution isn’t dogmatic or overwhelming in the slightest. In fact, it’s as if her writing is formatted for sleep-and-time-deprived parents, right down to the easy to read spaced paragraphs.
There are three major things I’ve learnt from Dr. Becky’s book that hopefully will remain on repeat in my communication-tool-kit. Number one, I love her acronym MGI (most generous intention), this is such a beautiful foundation for my mind. Why did my child smear their nappy all over the floor again!? ‘They're always making things harder for me’, no, because they're curious and adventurous and love exploring new/fun textures. Asking 'what is their most generous intention? ' has also proven to be an invaluable question for my adult relationships; It's an elevated version of optimism/the old adage 'glass half full', as MGI is rooted in the actual-genuine-identity of the person and shifts a knee-jerk reaction of anger/blame to one of empathy and compassion.
Number two, Dr. Becky's rule "two things are/can be true" is also an enlightening perspective that repels blame and guilt and invites self-compassion (I can ‘lose it’ and react aggressively to my children and I’m a good mum).
Finally three, my child/children are not defined by their behaviour, they are good inside and can do bad things at times. Another piece of wisdom that I hope stays with me (especially when I’m exhausted and have ‘little left to give’) is Dr. Becky’s astute words, ‘your number one role as a parent is to remain calm’. I previously thought it was to ‘keep them safe’ but by being calm I’m much more likely to do the latter. The platitude ‘practise what you preach’ also comes to mind after reading this, I’ve often told my son to ‘take deep breaths’ when he’s dysregulated/throwing tantrums and only recently have I actually done this myself/overemphasised in front of him, to which he then mimics (hallelujah!).
Read this book when you’re a parent who isn’t afraid to ‘walk the walk’ when it comes to teaching the importance of making mistakes and actively improving. Read again and again when you’re over jumping through the same parenting-hurdles and need to click your brain’s refresh button.