Image source: photo by the artist
Reading Reflection written July/August 2023
All the things that we neglect to talk about (on the rare occasion) when we do actually talk about rape swirls throughout my mind after reading this.
Maybe that’s the writing-genius of Sohalia; by talking about what is currently happening in traditional villages to the most glistening-high-tech cities around the world, Sohalia leaves space for the reader to fill in the blanks. If I had to categorise this book in a library I’d find myself lost, I’d want to put it into a new section labelled ‘Socialogical-help’ or ‘Things you don’t want to but should read’. I wonder how many languages it’s translated in. Geographically, geopolitically and religion aside, how does the way we introduce sex to our young generations influence sexual assaults and rapes? The prevalence of marital-rapes/inscest and ‘rapes happening in existing sexual relationships’ along with ‘war-crime rapes’, blatantly shatters monolithic stereotypes of unattractive psychopaths lurking in bushes and alleyways.
There seems to be a disconnect between the belief that ‘good’ people could never rape or sexually assault. What would it look like if we unlearned the image or label of a rapist or person who sexually assaults and instead recognised (just like anyone is capable of killing someone), anyone has the ability to rape or sexually assault someone under the wrong circumstances and wrong-mental-state. If that hypothetical pill is too hard to swallow, then surely a rational statement is, anyone is capable of having dangerous thoughts and for some, those might include fantasies of having sex with someone whether the other person wants to or not. What would stop these types of thoughts from actualising? How do we weed the garden of the mind before it’s unsalvageable?
It’s interesting to think about someone being stabbed vs raped; both are physical assaults where human flesh was penetrated. If every rape or sexual assault resulted in physical injuries perhaps we might have better reporting records. What would be the social implications of acknowledging that there can be no physical injuries from sexual assault/rape? Sometimes there is ‘only’ psychological (and some may say spiritual) trauma? If someone were to share that they were stabbed in the past (no matter how long ago that was), the mere word stab is not a surpressed word; rape is the Lord Voldermort of words within the english-spoken world. Imagine if instead of trigger warnings, we came to be numb to the word rape or at least became logical in taming our fight-flight-or-freeze response to this subject.
The term mental health is thrown around a lot these days, it’s become a pretty-euphemism, a ‘get out of jail free card’, an excuse to tell the boss why you had to take the day off. What would it look like if we actually tended to our mental health as a priority? Right after shelter, water and food. What would it look like to invest money, time and resources towards acknowledging and reprogramming some of our unhealthy (and/or suppressed) thoughts? What are ways we can make sure those who have initial seed thoughts of sexual/rape fantasies towards children talk with a licenced professional under the blanket of anonymity? So that their fantasies do not become realities. What would it look like if the current laborious mental health care plan system was revamped? What would it look like if all governments had a zero tolerance approach to sexual slavery and human trafficking. What would it look like if governments adopted a ‘mandatory appointment’ policy where every single person receives free check-up style mental health consultations where they were encouraged to vent about things such as times they ‘went too far’ and received tools to not go down similar roads again. What would it look like if people called-out their friends for harmful behaviour while they were ‘not themselves’/off their-face-intoxicated’ and more importantly put their foot down and made their friend(s) get professional help so their behaviour doesn’t further damage themselves or others? What would a culture of not associating permiscuity as a ‘cause and effect’ for rape/sexual assault look like?
What would a society systematically educated on the effects of drugs and alcohol look like? What would it look like for a society to disregard the conceptual commodity of ‘virginity’? How is the way older people talk about sex and sexual assaults influencing younger people (and vice versa)? What would it look like if masterbating was normalised instead of demonised? How many images of naked sexualised bodies are people exposed to by the end of their teenage years and what might happen if they were exposed to the same amount (or even more) of nonsexualised nude people/anatomy imagery?What might the outcomes of better describing and understanding sexual organs be? What might happen if society wasn’t so accepting of ridiculing the size of penises? What might it look like if sex toys for men weren’t concealed as everyday objects to appear as flashlights/ bottles and were accepted and promoted as much as sex toys are for women? What would it look like if society valued sex workers? How does commonly used slang words impact society and the prevalence of sexual assaults and rapes? If someone has heard the term ‘cock’ thousands of times in their lifetime, and they’ve heard the word ‘penis’ only a handful (or titts vs breasts/ pussy vs vagina etc.) how does this impact their behaviour with a potential sexual partner(s)? What does it look like for a society to value non-abled/ non-atypical people (disabled people)? How do peoples’ ideological judgements impact their empathy towards sexual assaults and the rape of transgender and Aboriginal people?
What would it look like if ‘statute of limitations’ didn’t exist and the time frame someone took to scrape together the courage to face/relive what happened to them wasn’t scrutanised. What changes might occur if photos of victims (and ‘alleged’ victims) of sexual assault and rapes wern’t slapped across media articles? What would it look like if immediately after someone felt ‘something wasn’t right about last night’ but didn’t have all of the details/memories, they could instantly talk with a professional/crisis hotline who were trained to help. What would it look like if police actually went out to homes instead of victims having to physically go into an intimidating environment such as a police station? What would it look like if parents and spouses of those who have raped/sexual assaulted were met with compassion and empathy to help minimise their denial and/or shame festering into a lifesentence of camoflauged-guilt. If a person (or group of people) were to share their genuine soul-crushing remorse from having sexually assaulted/ raped and their life’s mantra was to never-ever do anything like that again, what would it look like to admire and respect this aspect of those people who came forward and acknowleged what they’d done? What are the current incentives for anyone to come forward and take accountability for sexually assaulting or raping? If it’s an issue of moral compass, for those people that ship capsized long ago.
A unique platform emerges after reading this book. It calls for new pragmatic discussions and hopefully new solutions to find a cure (or at least more effective intervention and treatment) for the perpetual-neurobiological-psychosocial-virus that is, rape and sexual assault.
What do we need to happen to actively make steps towards cultivating healthy neural pathways involved in: pleasure-reward-systems, impulsivity, distorted beliefs about consent, a lack of empathy and past physical, psychological and sexual abuse?
Read this book when you're done pretending that all perceived angels aren't frequenting hell. Read again and again when you want to read something that will genuinely open your eyes and more importantly encourage you to to open your mouth.