The Samoan Face of God by Rev. Dr. Feiloaiga Taule'ale'ausumai

Image source: The artist

Reading Reflection written August 2024

A thank you letter to her Samoan culture, a love note to the gospel’s true message of liberation, penned by a woman of God within a man’s-world.

A seed of curiosity is planted within me after reading this, to reflect and focus on the invisible and silenced women from our past and within our present societies. I’m also compelled to question and visualise the relationship between creation and destruction. Are these two on opposing ends of a spectrum? Or are they symbiotic, in a perpetual ‘natural cycle’? Is the relationship between creation and destruction like that of a marriage; fused for eternity? Or what if, the act of ‘creating’ and the act of ‘destroying’ something are a continuum where destruction is inevitable for creation to occur; then how do we navigate and balance this phenomenon for a common goal of harmony?

These pages are filled with eloquent and heartfelt interpretations of a pre-Christian-post-1830 Samoa. A rare addition to Samoan academic history is born, written by a Samoan Aotearoa-born woman. This invaluable text references oral traditions including songs, legends and geneaology discussing the intersection of missionairies that lead to the colonisation of Samoa. I savoured each page of this beaming with gratitude and admiration for the author Dr. Rev Fei Taulealeausumai, or ‘Aunty Fei’ as my family call her. I think people today, in 2024, forget or simply just don’t think of the relentless roadblocks still experienced by women scholars and women who enter arenas dominated by men. The Samoan Face of God challenges the reader to approach and reflect on narratives which are often dismissed as ‘historical issues’. Aunty Fei explores crucial societal themes of: colonisation, assimilation, cultural identity, authentic theology and the patriarchal foundations which support systemic sexism. Our material world is illuminated through insightful connections linking: wealth, decorative gifts and power. These are juxtaposed by the impact these have on their spiritual counterparts of: worship, sacred-traditions and God.

If ‘knowledge’ loads the gun of colonisation, what is it exactly which pulls its trigger? Imagine if the oratory cultures of the world had been left uninvaded to flourish and transform; what would those nations, borders and cultures possibly look like today? How would they have come to find the Christian Bible? At what point (if any) does ignorance excuse behaviour which destroys or forcefully alters: cultures, traditions and language? Which lessons are to be learned from history, where people who were driven by ‘creation’ in turn’ caused destruction (albeit in the name of the all-creator God and their son once-in-human-form Jesus). To think of a pre-colonised Samoa evokes thought as to the beauty and strength of all the enduring traditions which evolved and survived.

What are ways we can honour traditions without parading misogynistic values as laws of theological integrity. Why, in 2024, is Samoa still the only nation in the World Alliance of Reformed Churches yet to accept women for the ministry of the word and sacrament? What are practical ways to move forward so this problem can be solved?

The Samoan Face of God is written for those lexicon-lovers who are compelled to search definitions, those who gravitate towards new and lesser-known (lesser-celebrated) languages. It wasn’t until reading this that I had heard the word ‘androcensism’; an imperative word which articulates the male-centric point of views, experiences and documented histories of our world. To truly reflect on this for a moment is quite life-altering. If you think about historiography (analyse not only what is written historically but dive into who wrote and for what purpose it was written), then you’ll find that recorded history consistently reflects mens’ perspectives. Androcentric societies, where male-centric language and cultural norms reinforce male dominance through highlighting only men’s achievements while overlooking those of women is not an isolated phenomena. Once this DNA of documented history is revealed, it’s a slap in the face to mankind (correction womankind). Within both domestic and professional realms of: art history, church hierarchies, the media, health care, sports, academic fields, scientific industries and throughout contemporary politics the degradation of womens’ experiences and value persists.

Through the relentless publicity of ‘sexual violence’ and the veil of rape culture where victim-blaming, the ‘protection’ of aggressors and normalisation of sexually driven assaults proves that ‘old habits’ really do ‘die hard’. Interestingly touched on within Aunty Fei’s writing , she highlights those inescapable attitudes perpetuating ‘a woman’s worth is below that of a man’ can be traced back as far as ancient myths where even a female mythological God’s agency was minimised and discarded. After the rape of the ancient female God of Samoa Nafanua by Su’a (with the help from the male accomplice Malietoa), not only was Nafanua’s power, respect and title quite literally stripped away from her, Su’a gained her title “Maopu o Nafanua”. This concept of the rape-abuser gaining something and the rape victim losing something is such an unbelievable true reality. How can we in a modern society, ensure these toxic attitudes die?

Curiously, and perhaps a credit to the true skill of Aunty Fei’s writing, while I’m reminded of the exclusion of the female-experience and historical marginalisation of womens’ perspectives through reading this, it doesn’t evoke rage in me. Themes are so warmly approached in this thesis; it doesn’t pack a ‘modern-feminist-punch’. This is scholarly-story-telling at its best. It’s stories of human interaction, lessons in what we take from people and what we give to people both in the tangible and intangible world. Threads of wisdom relating to what we cherish and what we discard are so universally-resonating. Reading this rich tapestry of Samoan cultural history is as comforting and necessary as a tightly held hug from a loved one in times of elation.

Read this when you’re hungry for lesser-known histories. Read again and again when you want to be armed and ready for spiritual and societal-warfare.

The Voice To Parliament Handbook by Thomas Mayo & Kerry O'Brien

Image source: Audible

Reading Reflection written , April 2024

Australia didn’t just say ‘no’ to the 2023 Indigenous Voice To Parliament Referendum, It felt like we collectively screamed through a megaphone ‘shut up’! We essentially said, you don’t get to speak, we like you on mute; we're happy with what's in place now and how you feel about this is irrelevant.

It doesn’t make sense to me that over half a century ago the overwhelming majority of Australians united and voted to count Aboriginal people in our census and remove racist terminology in our constitution, giving the federal government the powers to make laws specifically for Indigenous peoples. Where's that same 1969 energy? Am I missing something? This would have been an even more monumental vote. It wasn't an easy pass for a selected panel to enact any policies or laws they wanted, it was to advise the government on issues that directly impact them. If nations were families, full of different personalities with good/bad and toxic traits, Australia you are one dysfunctional family, no amount of therapy or reform will help you as long as you remain sinking in the quicksand of denial.

I find myself continually returning to the concept of legacy and specifically what type of world do I want my son and daughter growing up in? I don't want my children growing up like me, not having seen the AIATSIS map and reading The Uluru Statement from the Heart until I was into my 30's. Just prior to the 2023 vote, I daydreamed about having family dinner banter with my curious future-pre-teens where it comes up in conversation that, yes it wasn’t until 2023 that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders had a formal platform to have a say in policies and legislation that impact their communities’ health, cultures and rights. In this daydream my children shake their heads in disbelief. Who knows when this knotch will be added to the ‘Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders human rights timeline’, hopefully in my lifetime.

I used to think minds were like tides, having the ability to change in an instant. The closer I get to that looming grey-scale, I’m beginning to think minds are more like the root systems of trees. Those which are unwavering projecting only downwards appear to be the strongest; but it's the intricate networking root systems which map the contours of the shifting landscape which create more crucial support. If only we could mimic the interconnected highways of nature.

Read this when you’re interested in collaborative not transactional solutions to important issues. Read again and again for lifelines to First Nations resources, things you should be reading and people you should be listening to.

Papyrus The Invention of Books in the Ancient World by Irene Vallejo

Image source: Audible

Reading Reflection written February 2024

One day, will tangible books become ancient relics?

Will there be people who’ve never felt the weight and fragility of these mental portals with their bare hands?

Who determined the initial English keyboard to appear as it is?

How is it possible that people can sight read from sheet music involuntarily deciphering all key signatures; these mystical codes within riddles, concealed in the beauty of mathematical precision.

Which is more difficult, translating images into paintings or writing about why an artwork is painted and important?

As someone who has fallen in love with reflecting after reading, I can relate to Irene’s obsession with books/authors/translators and the makers of books. What an inexpensive and simple form of technology a book is. So ubiquitous and at times a luxury or even dangerous to own this archaic form of communication.

One of my favourite nightly rituals after (the mayhem of) the infamous paratenal-dinner-bath-bed-routine with toddlers, is playing the roles (overacting as my husband might playfully-taunt) of characters in the children’s books while gleefully admiring the interactions of my son and daughter before they slip into slumber. Thinking of the books they’ll enjoy as their appetite for curiosity evolves with age, makes me mama-giddish.

Irene narrates her book with such gusto it flows within the same vein as Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones. These epic tales are of, (not only knowledge, storytelling and documentation)but: power, politics, enjoyment and life itself.

To think of all the pseudonym seamstresses of words that will forever be unrecognised, tossed in the bin of pacified women makes my mind spin. It lays a foundation for an art project exploring ownership of ideas, begging questions such as; What are the advantages and disadvantages of recognition vs anominity impacting artists, designers, coders and authors today?

Read this when you want to explore the unread pages of history, tales of humans’ intrinsic urge to make symbols and be heard. Read again and again when you are over being overstimulated by oversaturated screens and just want a healthy-peaceful and pleasurable pastime.

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

Image source: Photo by the artist

Reading Reflection written December 2023

What is it about the familiar that comforts yet becomes so underwhelming?

How does romance, eroticism and domesticity present itself in 2024?

What role does possession play in the theatre of committed relationships?

What makes this book so invaluable is how intimate and vulnerable the stories shared inside are; to be privy to strangers deepest darkest and lightest fantasies is unifying. Esther’s writing skills are like no other, her ideas are mesmerising and multidimensional; someone who knows nine languages has a mind I want to bask in. Esther pushes the reader to not settle for the ordinary and mundane; to live and not simply be alive. Why should marriage and having children be the precursor for a death sentence for a life where sex-is-on-fire.

Read this when you want to resuscitate transcendental passion. Read again and again when you choose not to settle for unremarkable.

Good Inside by Dr. Becky

Image source: photo by the artist

Reading Reflection written September 2024

After I gave birth to the miniature lights-of-my-life, my son and daughter, such a surreal phenomenon transpired where their pain actually became physically painful for me. At times when they were so new to this earth they could barely take steps, If they’d fall and I’d hear that notorious thud sounding like a bowling ball fell onto floorboards, followed by an ‘I’m hurt, you failed to protect me’ infant-cry; it would trigger a lightning bolt through me.

Becoming a parent gave me superhero-esque senses; from an increase in awareness of sounds and smells to instinctively always having my peripheral blinkers on, scanning for potential threats and dangers. My brain became programmed to focus its energy ensuring that my babies not only survived but thrived. This is where Dr. Becky’s book comes in handy, because my brain was/is already dealing with the plethora of physiological and psychological changes that motherhood brings, at times it becomes foggy when faced with the ‘best’ way to address behavioral elements of babies/toddlers (and I’m sure with raising young children and adolescents Dr. Becky’s methods will come to the rescue for then-mum-foggy-brain moments as well).

Dr. Becky delivers what she promises in this book, after reading this (and during), I’d try out some of her suggestions and they felt good, they flowed off my tongue easily and didn’t feel like I was reading from a parenting manual or script. I was able to wave goodbye to mum-guilt and embraced Dr. Becky’s voice and intern I believe I am (and my little ones are) better for it.

Dr. Becky instills invaluable parenting principles: connection, acknowledgement and presence. Her ideas for laying boundaries are seamless and there aren’t enough words in the English dictionary to compliment her on her delivery on this. Every parent has come under the beratement of unwanted opinions/advice. Dr. Becky's voice is welcomed because her principals are doable and her execution isn’t dogmatic or overwhelming in the slightest. In fact, it’s as if her writing is formatted for sleep-and-time-deprived parents, right down to the easy to read spaced paragraphs.

There are three major things I’ve learnt from Dr. Becky’s book that hopefully will remain on repeat in my communication-tool-kit. Number one, I love her acronym MGI (most generous intention), this is such a beautiful foundation for my mind. Why did my child smear their nappy all over the floor again!? ‘They're always making things harder for me’, no, because they're curious and adventurous and love exploring new/fun textures. Asking 'what is their most generous intention? ' has also proven to be an invaluable question for my adult relationships; It's an elevated version of optimism/the old adage 'glass half full', as MGI is rooted in the actual-genuine-identity of the person and shifts a knee-jerk reaction of anger/blame to one of empathy and compassion.

Number two, Dr. Becky's rule "two things are/can be true" is also an enlightening perspective that repels blame and guilt and invites self-compassion (I can ‘lose it’ and react aggressively to my children and I’m a good mum).

Finally three, my child/children are not defined by their behaviour, they are good inside and can do bad things at times. Another piece of wisdom that I hope stays with me (especially when I’m exhausted and have ‘little left to give’) is Dr. Becky’s astute words, ‘your number one role as a parent is to remain calm’. I previously thought it was to ‘keep them safe’ but by being calm I’m much more likely to do the latter. The platitude ‘practise what you preach’ also comes to mind after reading this, I’ve often told my son to ‘take deep breaths’ when he’s dysregulated/throwing tantrums and only recently have I actually done this myself/overemphasised in front of him, to which he then mimics (hallelujah!).

Read this book when you’re a parent who isn’t afraid to ‘walk the walk’ when it comes to teaching the importance of making mistakes and actively improving. Read again and again when you’re over jumping through the same parenting-hurdles and need to click your brain’s refresh button.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape by Sohaila Abdulali

Image source: photo by the artist

Reading Reflection written July/August 2023

All the things that we neglect to talk about (on the rare occasion) when we do actually talk about rape swirls throughout my mind after reading this.

Maybe that’s the writing-genius of Sohalia; by talking about what is currently happening in traditional villages to the most glistening-high-tech cities around the world, Sohalia leaves space for the reader to fill in the blanks. If I had to categorise this book in a library I’d find myself lost, I’d want to put it into a new section labelled ‘Socialogical-help’ or ‘Things you don’t want to but should read’. I wonder how many languages it’s translated in. Geographically, geopolitically and religion aside, how does the way we introduce sex to our young generations influence sexual assaults and rapes? The prevalence of marital-rapes/inscest and ‘rapes happening in existing sexual relationships’ along with ‘war-crime rapes’, blatantly shatters monolithic stereotypes of unattractive psychopaths lurking in bushes and alleyways.

There seems to be a disconnect between the belief that ‘good’ people could never rape or sexually assault. What would it look like if we unlearned the image or label of a rapist or person who sexually assaults and instead recognised (just like anyone is capable of killing someone), anyone has the ability to rape or sexually assault someone under the wrong circumstances and wrong-mental-state. If that hypothetical pill is too hard to swallow, then surely a rational statement is, anyone is capable of having dangerous thoughts and for some, those might include fantasies of having sex with someone whether the other person wants to or not. What would stop these types of thoughts from actualising? How do we weed the garden of the mind before it’s unsalvageable?

It’s interesting to think about someone being stabbed vs raped; both are physical assaults where human flesh was penetrated. If every rape or sexual assault resulted in physical injuries perhaps we might have better reporting records. What would be the social implications of acknowledging that there can be no physical injuries from sexual assault/rape? Sometimes there is ‘only’ psychological (and some may say spiritual) trauma? If someone were to share that they were stabbed in the past (no matter how long ago that was), the mere word stab is not a surpressed word; rape is the Lord Voldermort of words within the english-spoken world. Imagine if instead of trigger warnings, we came to be numb to the word rape or at least became logical in taming our fight-flight-or-freeze response to this subject.

The term mental health is thrown around a lot these days, it’s become a pretty-euphemism, a ‘get out of jail free card’, an excuse to tell the boss why you had to take the day off. What would it look like if we actually tended to our mental health as a priority? Right after shelter, water and food. What would it look like to invest money, time and resources towards acknowledging and reprogramming some of our unhealthy (and/or suppressed) thoughts? What are ways we can make sure those who have initial seed thoughts of sexual/rape fantasies towards children talk with a licenced professional under the blanket of anonymity? So that their fantasies do not become realities. What would it look like if the current laborious mental health care plan system was revamped? What would it look like if all governments had a zero tolerance approach to sexual slavery and human trafficking. What would it look like if governments adopted a ‘mandatory appointment’ policy where every single person receives free check-up style mental health consultations where they were encouraged to vent about things such as times they ‘went too far’ and received tools to not go down similar roads again. What would it look like if people called-out their friends for harmful behaviour while they were ‘not themselves’/off their-face-intoxicated’ and more importantly put their foot down and made their friend(s) get professional help so their behaviour doesn’t further damage themselves or others? What would a culture of not associating permiscuity as a ‘cause and effect’ for rape/sexual assault look like?

What would a society systematically educated on the effects of drugs and alcohol look like? What would it look like for a society to disregard the conceptual commodity of ‘virginity’? How is the way older people talk about sex and sexual assaults influencing younger people (and vice versa)? What would it look like if masterbating was normalised instead of demonised? How many images of naked sexualised bodies are people exposed to by the end of their teenage years and what might happen if they were exposed to the same amount (or even more) of nonsexualised nude people/anatomy imagery?What might the outcomes of better describing and understanding sexual organs be? What might happen if society wasn’t so accepting of ridiculing the size of penises? What might it look like if sex toys for men weren’t concealed as everyday objects to appear as flashlights/ bottles and were accepted and promoted as much as sex toys are for women? What would it look like if society valued sex workers? How does commonly used slang words impact society and the prevalence of sexual assaults and rapes? If someone has heard the term ‘cock’ thousands of times in their lifetime, and they’ve heard the word ‘penis’ only a handful (or titts vs breasts/ pussy vs vagina etc.) how does this impact their behaviour with a potential sexual partner(s)? What does it look like for a society to value non-abled/ non-atypical people (disabled people)? How do peoples’ ideological judgements impact their empathy towards sexual assaults and the rape of transgender and Aboriginal people?

What would it look like if ‘statute of limitations’ didn’t exist and the time frame someone took to scrape together the courage to face/relive what happened to them wasn’t scrutanised. What changes might occur if photos of victims (and ‘alleged’ victims) of sexual assault and rapes wern’t slapped across media articles? What would it look like if immediately after someone felt ‘something wasn’t right about last night’ but didn’t have all of the details/memories, they could instantly talk with a professional/crisis hotline who were trained to help. What would it look like if police actually went out to homes instead of victims having to physically go into an intimidating environment such as a police station? What would it look like if parents and spouses of those who have raped/sexual assaulted were met with compassion and empathy to help minimise their denial and/or shame festering into a lifesentence of camoflauged-guilt. If a person (or group of people) were to share their genuine soul-crushing remorse from having sexually assaulted/ raped and their life’s mantra was to never-ever do anything like that again, what would it look like to admire and respect this aspect of those people who came forward and acknowleged what they’d done? What are the current incentives for anyone to come forward and take accountability for sexually assaulting or raping? If it’s an issue of moral compass, for those people that ship capsized long ago.

A unique platform emerges after reading this book. It calls for new pragmatic discussions and hopefully new solutions to find a cure (or at least more effective intervention and treatment) for the perpetual-neurobiological-psychosocial-virus that is, rape and sexual assault.

What do we need to happen to actively make steps towards cultivating healthy neural pathways involved in: pleasure-reward-systems, impulsivity, distorted beliefs about consent, a lack of empathy and past physical, psychological and sexual abuse?

Read this book when you're done pretending that all perceived angels aren't frequenting hell. Read again and again when you want to read something that will genuinely open your eyes and more importantly encourage you to to open your mouth.

Healing the Survivors 8 Steps to Whole-Self Healing by Jacquelyn Weis

Image source: photo by the artist

Reading Reflection written July 2023

It’s difficult to not be impacted by the pending metaphors associated with the fiery hand print slapped across Jacquelyn’s mouth on her otherwise greyscale book cover. The obvious connection is to blood, perhaps it’s referencing her unspeakable wounds. After reading, I have a newfound appreciation for the chosen saturation of this cadmium. This hand is not blood-red, it’s more like that of a fire engine truck (which my two and a half year old son is obsessed with at the moment, maybe that’s also where this analogy materialised). A fire engine is an emergency vehicle, a person’s mouth can be used for many things but mostly it’s utility is for survival through communication and nourishment. This cover represents Jacquelyn’s audience, those who should race to buy this book. It’s for people who need help, help with the kind of pain and debilitating symptoms post rape and sexual assault. The close up portrait of a woman’s face with this ignited handprint is both piercing and confronting, it is not lost on me that the words sexual assault survivor/ rape are absent; there’s something I like about this. Is it because I find it distressing to feel the need to read this in and of itself? This may be one of the reasons. The shame and embarrasment felt after being raped is so deafening and almost impossible to mute, it emerges as the background soundtrack to a new-post-rape-life. If I were to read this book in public I’d imagine I might fold it in such a way that so no one could read the title or see the cover image; but then again I wouldn’t know this for sure as this book never left my bedside. I needed to be physically comfortable reading this as its ability to pull at my emotional heart-strings was powerful. Before reading this I felt daunted by the mere thought of reading a book in the vicinity of this subject matter but Jacuquelyn doesn’t dwell on the details of the event when she was raped (this was always a looming-fear of mine that as I was running/ avoiding at all costs re-living/ replaying images of the events where I was raped that I couldn’t bare to read about someone else's).

An adjective for Jaquelyn’s book is uplifting. The affirmations she shares reminds me of the mental-tools given to prepare for childbirth/labour. There’s a beautiful nature-driven-awareness that I have come to appreciate found when reading Indigenous authors in particular. Connections with Jacquelyn’s Shoshone Native American culture are generously peppered throughout this psychologically and spiritually-nutritional smorgasbord.

Read this book when you are mentally, emotionally and spiritually in need of help. Read again and again to accept practical utensils to heal and improve.

Living on Stolen Land by Ambelin Kwaymullina

Image source: photo by the artist (purchased by Yarn Strong Sista)

Reading Reflection written October 2022

Ambelin is a wordsmith with bullseye precision. With minimalistic style, she writes with the authority of an academic, the creativity of a poet and the nurturing undertones of a mother. There’s an ineffable way master storytellers like Ambelin share history and reframe historiography in a way that speaks to you and not at you. If I were ever to meet Ambelin in a social setting, I imagine she’d possess that magnetic quality, the quiet-confidence of someone who’s living an extraordinary life and yet humbly chooses to listen to others over speaking about themself.

This book surprised me in more ways than one. I originally thought this was a children’s book and then after reading, it propelled me into such a state of self-reflection. The Bias and Behaviours elements of this book were so thought provoking; How often am I a passenger or driver in structural, explicit and unconscious bias? How often am I a ‘do-nothing person’, a ‘saviour’, a ‘discoverer’? Who do I know that’s a ‘change-maker’ and how can I be more like them? 

Accepting that I will never understand Indigenous cultures is a humbling exercise. In a world where the powerful have historically been untouchable abusers, understanding the importance of certain knowledge as being sacred adds new meaning to the truism knowledge is power. Translation and interpreting silence are themes I’d love to transcribe through painting. The concept of timing and its significance is something that has also grounded roots in my mind to become an artistic line of enquiry. Would I have appreciated this book if I hadn’t previously read anything written by Indigenous authors? Yes, anyone reading this with any amount of previous exposure to Indigenous perspectives will intimately hear Amblelin’s messages. 

Read this book when you feel like decluttering your tendencies. Read again and again when you're open to replacing your dated rose-coloured glasses.

The Invisible Dragon by Dave Hickey

Image source: photo by the artist

Reading Reflection written September, 2022

The way Dave writes is spicy, that intense all-electrifying heat that gives you a euphoric high; albeit not a flavour everyone would enjoy (or have the stomach for). 

If you haven’t at least dipped your toe into the realm of art history, I don’t think you’d be able to appreciate this book in its entirety. Even if you’re a self-proclaimed art history addict like myself, if you’re not turned on by definitions then this book probably would be frustratingly incomprehensible. 

To explore the concept of an ‘image’ (where people create things as a form of communication), gives birth to such an interesting concept of transactional relationships between the artist, artwork and the viewer. I wonder if other artists consciously think of art as a therapeutic institution? This book rips apart the archaic submissively-elitist term of fine art to reveal its transformation through to the ‘modern’ era. What ambiguous terms ‘contemporary’ and ‘modern’. It’s no surprise that current popular depictions of people in the art world are turtleneck-wearing eccentrics holding a glass of wine, speaking at each other in verbose terminology. I’d love to be in a social setting with Dave’s punchy art lexicon cascading throughout the room; I’d love even more to experience the live reactions of people drenched in his opinions. 

Read this book when you want some art history porn. Read again and again when you feel like bathing in the depths of literal and figurative imagery.

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking

Image source Audible

Read via Audible (Narrated by John Sackville)

Reading Reflection Written August, 2022

I often feel as if I'm at war with time. When I’m in the trenches of completing an artwork, if I don't use an alarm on my phone, I'd completely lose track of time. If I worked on each artwork without limiting time, everything I created would be overworked and I would never be satisfied. I need time-restraints in my artist-tool-kit. I seem to gravitate more towards the rhetoric in this book on: light, symmetry, asymmetry, wavelengths and temperature. The timelines of religious institutions and their relationships with scientists throughout history is such a juicy topic, I have to take another bite of this in the future and look out for more books on this.

For me to truly think of the universe as multidimensional and without boundaries is a new exercise. My brain cannot compute even the most rudimentary physics terms in this book, let alone the distances discussed; ‘a million million kilometres times 60’, what a special kind of mindfuckery it is to think of these types of distances. Special numbers and imaginary numbers, now there’s something I might like to explore further when I have the headspace; there’s something sexy about this. Reading this book is the mental equivalent of arriving at the peak of a rollercoaster and feeling momentarily weightless followed by an intense gravitational force. 

Read this book when you want an aggressively rough massage for your mind. Read again and again when you feel your life and world are closing in on you and you’re curious about the bigger and smaller picture.

Every Mother’s Son is Guilty by Chris Owen

Image source UWA Publishing

Reading Reflections written January 2022

How can the garden of national identity flourish when its soil is poisoned?

Every Mother’s Son is Guilty is life-changing; it uncovers the shockwaves of British imperialism. This book is a step-by-step recipe for how people in power facilitated unqualified authority-figures to impose draconian laws (and worse, undocumented dishonourable practices). Chris tells the story of the infancy of evil where silence and turning a blind eye is the catalyst for national cancer. Like a paedophile looking at the dark web through an incognito window, the systems and prejudices that stemmed from this period are an ever festering petri dish for dehumanisation.

Reading this is the unwrapping of an unwanted present containing historiographical accounts of: idealistic dreams, escapism, monetary gain, unaccountability, pacification and violence all wrapped up with an altruistic bow of solving a supposed problem. I wonder if the current Prime Minister of Australia has read this. I doubt it, which brings me to the question of, what do they read over there when being 'inducted' to the most prestigious role in the country? I'd love to see their ‘training/ introductory slides’. I’d love to know the material they are ‘required’ to look at (not to mention the material they read by their own will). What do the libraries of the most powerful people on the planet contain? I'd love to know how many Aboriginal sources (written by Aboriginal people) call home to these libraries. 

When I drive past the Parliament building (with its obnoxiously oversized flag holder- holding one flag), I'm struck by the realisation that it's obvious that the majority of Australia’s national representatives don’t care about Aboriginal people. If they did, then the national anthem, the national flag and the national education system would consistently reflect joint cultures. 

I still can’t believe how long it took me to read this book, over three years. I had to stop myself at times, spending weeks slowly (sometimes a page at time) reflecting on what was unfolding. There’s such a sinister connection between the silenced accounts of men taking (and being ‘given') Aboriginal girls and women to be raped and sold for prostitution, all the while these same men are raping gold and pearls from the earth. (I must remember to investigate this line of inquiry for an art series, something along the lines of ‘all that shines is not golden’ / ‘The true price of natural resources’ / ‘taking what's not yours', give more thought to this and revisit in the future).  

How would my family and friends feel celebrating with a public holiday and feast to celebrate the date Germany invaded Poland, the seed of WWII? I’m certain no-one I know and love with a beating heart and conscious mind would ever enjoy a BBQ feast and parade union jack flags to celebrate the the 26th of January (so called 'Australia Day'), if they truly understood that this day doesn't represent discovery, it so fittingly represents what happened as a result of this date, the denied-annihilation of human lives valued less than others. This book makes me feel anxious for Australia's future because our foundations are not honest. 

Read this book when you care about truth and justice. Read again and again when you are ready to explore; If words can be daggers, what can silence be?

The Story of Human Language

Image source Audible

Read via Audible

Reading Reflection written January 2022

Without comprehension, rhythm reigns. When I hear people speaking and when I’m unable to comprehend exactly what they are saying, dialogue inadvertently transitions into melody.

Surely I can’t be the only one who secretly loves to drive along listening to radio stations in languages I cannot understand (foreignly familiar is a concept I must remember to explore through a series of paintings). There's an element of dorkiness in reading (or  listening to) a book like this, it brings out non conventional sounds we make with our mouths; I hastily stopped this book numerous times when loved ones unexpectedly walked into a room while I was listening to this on Audible. I'm not embarrassed, I just feel a sense of being alone in my appreciation for the sounds of languages. I love learning the scaffolding of other languages, finding connections and understanding etymologies. This series of lectures makes me feel as if I'm not alone in my obsession with languages/the sounds of translation. Just as when I’m blind contour drawing, reading this gives me that addictive thrill of surrendering to unlearning.

Read this book when you want the infant-like excitement of discovering new things. Read again and again when you're unconcerned with being cool and more focused on making connections.

The Sublime Documents of Contemporary Art by Simon Morley

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Reading Reflection written December 2021

Maybe it's easier to experience the sublime than explain it. 

In the words of John Machlis from The Enjoyment of Music: An Introduction to Perceptive Listening (I must finish this book next, move to the top of my to-read list), 'art like love is easier to experience than define'. This quote springs to mind after reading this book. 

I definitely don't know enough about the sublime to speak on this topic but I am intrigued enough to want to listen to others who do know alot about this concept. I need to investigate further. Prior to reading this my initial thoughts were, what could be more stimulating than beauty? Why would people choose fear over a state of calmness? I do resonate with the sublime found in nature, this I can understand, but to me there’s diffused lines where the intersection of beauty and the sublime meet.

I remember my Grandpa (Pa) using the words sensational and sublime interchangeably and thinking, ‘oh he means beautiful or good’, after reading this I don't think Pa knew how deep the roots of those words grew.

There are so many raw artworks in here that are pure expressions or responses to nature and are conceptual/ephemeral. It remains a new challenge to interpret a physical artwork from a text version without tangible pictorial representation. It takes a certain kind of brain power to be stimulated by the description of an artwork without tangible visual representation; to envision these types of artworks (such as environmental artworks which to me could be described as natural-performative--ephemeral-artworks), it requires the most elevated level of imagination. I'd love to unpack this subject more and weave throughout my artworks.

Read this book if you're enamoured by the things we are attracted and repelled by. Read again and again when you'd like a broader understanding of what's beyond beauty?

Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil Degrasse Tyson

Image source Audible

Read on Audible, narrated by the author

Reading Reflection written July 2021

What is it about Neil DeGrasse’s voice that is so damn magnetic and comforting? His voice is a continuous injection of dopamine.

I know the universe is massive, a vast endless space full of life, but wow, I really know nothing. Why didn't I pursue/study astrophysics or chemistry when I was younger? It’s as if all the galactic-curiosity I possessed as a child dimmed as my glow in the dark space stickers transitioned into globs of dried BluTac on my bedroom ceiling. I think my self-deprivation in this field must have seeded itself as I developed my inflammatory relationship with maths and numbers. In hindsight, I probably wouldn’t have had the attention span to read through the astrophysics terminology in the tangible book, so I'm ever so grateful for the gift of Neil’s oratory charm. I’m so glad I read this, it feels good to wander in wonder. 

Read this book when you want to zone out to a master in their field. Read again and again when you want to feel the humble-gratitude of not being the smartest person in a room. 

Apollos Angels A History of Ballet by Jennifer Homans

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Read via physical book and Audible (Narrated on Audible by Kristen Potter)

Reading Reflection Written July, 2021

Now I truly appreciate ballet dancers as living masterpieces of memory and repetition.

Their dedication to their art is beyond admirable. I wonder if they ever slouch in private or their unapologetic perfection trickles throughout their entire being. Reading this feels as if I'm suspending time with such supernatural acrobatic grace as the dancers themselves. I somehow feel connected to these dancers, even though I could never do what they do; I’m truly inspired by their dedication. Listening to the intricacies of a performance is a storytelling format which arouses a new type of stimulation. The curtain is lifted highlighting why dancers have continued this painfully-pleasurable tradition for centuries. I crave to travel back to pantomime days to experience the theatrics of ancient performers. Just to fantasise about a world without mobile phones makes me smile, a time where creators and performers were free from social media and all the pressures that come with playing this game. There's something hopelessly romantic about the idea of rewinding through antiquity, to a time where raw-innovative entertainment was the screen-time equivalent. Revolutionary and ballet are not often heard in the same vein, yet how truly poetic that through the grace and wit of ballet, minorities have dissolved societal and political oppression; who ever heard of an abused group of people defeating injustice with performance as their main weapon. This book makes me realise how powerful the vehicle of ballet is and how persuasion comes in many forms.

Read this book when you feel as if your art has no voice. Read again and again when you need momentum.

Beauty Documents of Contemporary Art by Dave Beech

Image source Amazon

Reading Reflection written December 2021

The relationship status of beauty and art is currently complicated, but there’s still hope for reconciliation. 

What are the thoughts of more artists (not just the well known ones) as to the condition of beauty and art’s relationship? Is this something that other artists consciously think of as much as me? I’ve found through reading this, I’ve gained insights into why artists create what they create. The interviews in this book are worth holding onto. There’s always viewing an artist’s artwork online or experiencing it in the flesh, but reading the interviews of artists (or casual letters) is a new thrill for me. I think reading an artist's thoughts is as stimulating as experiencing their tangible works. This book provokes so many questions, simmering in the back of my mind. I’ll just have to remember they are there so they do not burn.

Read this book when you are curious about how different artists approach beauty. Read again and again when you want to soar throughout the universes that best encompass beauty.

Dark Emu by Bruce Pascoe

Image source Audible

Narrated by the author on Audible

Reading Reflection written September 2020

I wish I had read this sooner. I wish this was one of my bedtime stories read to me when I was a little girl.

I wish that my exposure to the actual history of Australia, the physical land and Aboriginal Peoples that have called it home for thousands and thousands of years wasn’t white-washed. What a beautiful breath of fresh air to contrast the previous accounts of bloodshed I've found when learning about so-called ‘Aboriginal history’, more accurately Australia’s-European history/ the shock waves of colonialism. I feel as if I’ve been stopped in my tracks, at a roundabout of shock-disbelief-disgust-gratitude-sorrow. I’m grateful that Aboriginal agricultural methods are documented through this book, preserved for my son to read.

Dark Emu is written and spoken with such endearing-sophistication by Bruce, I wish to meet him and hear his warm voice in the flesh one day. Dark Emu evokes a gut wrenching sadness in me, the kind you feel when there’s an injustice so close to you and you feel helpless, like when someone in your family is physically and emotionally traumatised. I also feel frustrated that the imagery of Aboriginal people that I was presented with growing up, was not only gross misrepresentations, they were part of an intricate blanket of lies designed to suffocate those not in the decision making hierarchies. 

Read this book when you want to feel small, not in a way that you don’t matter, small as in young, as if you have been away from home too long and are being read a bedtime story. Read again and again when you wish that history was not filled with nightmares and you need to awaken rejuvenated.

Homo Deus A Brief History of Tomorrow by Yuval Noah Harari

Image source Audible

Narrated by the author on Audible

Reading Reflection written September 2020

If Sapiens is that feeling after a glorious Christmas feast, Homo Deus is that feeling after a Sunday roast.

This book addresses the marriage of biology and technology and what this potentially looks like for us in the near and distant future. Homo Deus transcends typical book genres, in essence It’s not a book about history, it's also not fiction but rather a fantasy-with-historical-foresight, where Yuval's impressive knowledge transcends to creative predictions for the future. I’m drawn to how Yuval’s mind works, how he comes to questions, and his matter of fact persona. I would purchase a book by Noah without knowing any background on the text. I think I’m in love with his mind and I'm yet to see him speak or read his works and it not resonate with me.

Read this book when you want to divulge into the realm of the intangible. Read again and again when you want to fantasise about where we could be headed.

White Fragility by Robin Diangelo

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Reading Reflection written August 2020

White Fragility awakens the problem of assumption, the danger of neglect and the evil of ignorance. 

This book holds me accountable for not listening more and pursuing such an important topic that causes repeated devastation, sooner. Although this book is United-States-centric, Australia cannot escape the author’s crucial voice.

Such an unexpectedly confronting read. Until I read this, I never once in over 30 years thought about 'my race' as a part of my identity (skin-tint yes, not specifically culturally or ethnically). It's naive to think racism is a binary-moral-forked-road i.e racists are bad people and good people are not racist. The connection between racial literacy and apathy could be an interesting concept to explore through a series of artworks.

Reading this, it feels as if there’s a virtual reality headset on me which has been lifted off unexpectedly, leaving me feeling a little woozy yet keen to dive in again.  

Read this book if you've ever thought or have said something along the lines of, ‘I see past the colour of someone's skin/I don't see race'. Read again and again when you are open to a wake up call to how essential being uncomfortable is in order for growth.

Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari

Image source Audible

Read via hard copy and Audible

Reading Reflection written August 2020

Sapiens is the equivalent of that moment when you couldn't possibly eat another bite of a glorious Christmas banquet. Every time I indulge in Sapiens I feel so full bordering on gluttonous.

Whoever is interested in this book, I’m interested in them. I've never owned so many copies of the same book as I do Sapiens: pdf/ tangible, audible and illustrated version. Could I be addicted to Sapiens in an unhealthy way? If extraterrestrials had access to only one written resource from Earth, this would be more valuable than any ‘religious’ text. There's nothing more I want from a book. Sapiens makes me feel as if I'm onto humanity's secret recipe, what makes us, us.

Read this book when you must satisfy your cravings for what was. Read again and again when you want to binge history.